Today I took my laptop and spent a little time sitting outside of the Student Union. I didn’t get a whole lot done, but it felt nice to change things up. It felt like the right place to be. My apartment has felt increasingly lonely, because I’m the only one who lives in it. It’s so lifeless. Nothing really happens. And for a long time I’ve felt this consistent urge to get “out there,” into the world. Being around people, changing up my routines, going to new places. My growth as a person is going to take place in the world, not at my computer desk. I just wish it didn’t always feel like someone was watching over my shoulder, judging what I typed!
I don’t like my life as it currently is anymore. It’s time for it to change. It’s time for me to get better. But I’m so bad at changing. It’s really, really hard for me to create new habits. It takes emotional investment for me to change things in my life. And I’m not too good at emotionally investing in things. Usually the emotion ends up being frustration. Frustration is a good motivator, at least.